When The Universe Throws A Curve Ball

Tonight, Sean, Caleb and I ventured out to Applebees for dinner with the added benefit of “Kids Eat Free on Wednesdays.”  SCORE!  As a mom, you always learn to appreciate the restaurants that cater to kiddos and give freebies.

Throughout our meal, Caleb kept tugging at Sean’s shirt to take him to the bathroom.  After looking at me with pleading eyes of “Please take him,” Sean finally gave in and took Caleb to the bathroom for number 1.  Five minutes later, Caleb tugged at Sean’s shirt again with that “I have to go” look and now it was my turn.

So, Caleb and I went and he did his business.

Being a mom who has since celebrated the end of diaper days and my potty training frustrations, I was so proud of Caleb that he did his business (number 2, I might add without being too graphic), in a public restroom all on his own.  Caleb was equally proud of his accomplishments that he rushed back to the table to tell daddy in all his excitement and glory and yelled,

“Daddy, I went poo poo and now I’m not conspated anymore!!!”

I had to giggle.   I think everyone in the restaurant heard him, too!

What does Caleb know?  To him, he’s the proudest kiddo on the block!

Sean’s reaction?  He crouched down with utter embarrassment and asked me how Caleb even knew what constipated meant.

Why be embarrassed?

These are the moments I live for as a parent.  The cute, innocent sayings, the bright, big brown eyes when Caleb has learned something new, the countless “I love yous” and kisses he gives me just because.  They aren’t going to last forever, so why not take it for everything it’s worth and enjoy the fun and silliness that comes with being a parent to a toddler?  I do.

What’s your silly story?  Love to hear it!

3:30am.

The clock keeps ticking and I’m wide awake.  My husband, kiddo and even the dog are fast asleep.

I’m jealous.

I’m 7 months pregnant with our baby girl due this December who every morning around 2am decides she wants to dance in my belly.  Who could possibly be comfortable sleeping through that?

My son Caleb made a comment to my husband Sean that I sleep too much like our dog Diesel.

Sean, of course, agreed that I sleep way too much just because I happened to be laying (not sleeping) on our couch.

C’mon.  Seriously?!?

It was then that I had to defend myself.  Explain to the boys in my house that mommy doesn’t sleep…ever.  And if I do, it literally is in 3-4 hour increments and that I don’t get to bed until 6am usually when the house is waking up.   If you have a toddler like me, you know you never get to bed once they’re up.

I vented to my web programmer Stacy about this who I believe is one of the only sympathetic men I know.  His advice?

Strap a basketball to Sean’s stomach one night.

I may just have to try that, but throughout the night, give him a few good swift kicks in the stomach so he knows exactly how I feel.

Will I?  Probably not, but it gave me a good laugh.  Plus, I don’t think he’d make it.  It’s why women like us handle pregnancy and men just watch.  I truly believe they would not and could not handle it.

So, all my pregnant friends, if it’s 3am and you just can’t sleep because your soon-to-be bundle of joy is playing kickball in your belly, please know, you are not alone.  I’m right there with you.

Signed

-Happily pregnant and sleep deprived in Gilbert, AZ

I took Caleb to his friend Julia’s 3rd birthday party for a couple hours today.  You should have seen this party.

Dr. Seuss from top to bottom.  Activities in every room coupled with food to match the activity.  Imagine green eggs (literally), Dr. Seuss top hats (strawberries, oreos, ice cream and marshmallows) for dessert, colored goldfish to match a fishing game and the book One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and so on.  I have never seen a theme party so well thought out and put together.

On top of that, there was a Dr. Seuss tea party complete with mini sandwiches, fruit, and muffins, about 20 kids of all ages making their way from activity to activity laughing it up and having a wonderful time, a book exchange, and a homemade gift for each kiddo to take home.

Talk about making a kiddo’s day!  Caleb passed out after the sugar rush faded.

We left the party a couple hours later, and as always, I texted Julia’s mom to let her know what a fabulous job she did putting it all together.

Her text back?

“Thanks.  I was embarrassed by my disorganization.”

My jaw dropped.  What?!?

Most parents don’t ever go to THIS extreme.  They plan their kiddo’s party at a pizza place and let the kids run wild in the arcade.  Or, have a swim or bowling party.  NOTHING like this!  I can’t even imagine how much time it took to coordinate every activity, search out the perfect food and decorate the house only to clean it once the 2-hour party was over.

It was so sad to see her response knowing that she had very little help in planning and organizing it, but was the worst critic of all her efforts.  There were no complaints from the kiddos or the parents.  Only smiley, happy faces.

Ladies, why are we so hard on ourselves?

Why not give yourself a pat on the back, put your feet up and enjoy a glass of wine for the job well done while the kiddos fall asleep with smiles on their faces from all the excitement?  There’s absolutely no need for embarrassment!  Planning a themed birthday party and managing kiddos is HARD work!

What’s that saying on Nick Jr?  “We’re not perfect.  We’re parents!”  I live for this saying and when I feel like I’m doing a horrible job at this parenting thing, I realize that hey, this is the best job I know how to do.  Why worry and beat myself up over it??

Chime in if you could use a pat on the back for all the hard work you do as a mom!  I will be more than happy to give you one!

It’s been a long while since I’ve written my thoughts here.  Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because I just haven’t had a chance to, which probably isn’t entirely true.  Can I just blame it on my extreme fatigue and lack of not wanting to do anything except sleep?  It’s 100+ degrees in AZ and the sun is literally beating me down.

Since my last post, things have been pretty crazy around here.

I planned and completed yet another Mom Entrepreneur Celebration on May 7, awarded and crowned our 2011 winner, Shannon Rozas.

Found out one month before our big event that  feeling somewhat fine and drinking to relax were completely out of the question now that I was 7 weeks pregnant (who knew?).  Dealt with some serious morning sickness and fatigue, but somehow managed to still get on stage at the event, smile and emcee it.  (If you happened to read my blog about some certain requirements I had given my husband on “when” we could conceive, it went completely out the window.  Who was I to think I could plan a pregnancy???  Duh!! You don’t plan pregnancies.)

Went on vacation with my family to CA and promised myself I wouldn’t even look at my email (I didn’t, so I’m very, very proud of my accomplishment to not work), came back to jump start my event planning business, Details Event Management, expand and host meetings for The Mom-e Club, and work on projects for Simply Put Marketing.

Life’s busy.  Not to mention with a toddler tugging at my hip, telling me no one minute, then asking me for help the next.

So is life.  It’s going to get a lot more exciting this month when I found out what we’re having and I have the urge to redecorate the house in my nesting period.  I can already feel the temptation coming on!

My blog writing has taken a backseat, so to speak, but is however, on the forever to-do list I have to keep my sanity on days when I feel it spinning out of control, my belly continues to grow before my eyes and I can no longer see my toes, and my son continues to test his poor mama, especially on days like today when he decides he wants to run out in a crowded parking lot when I have my hands full.  Fun, fun.

Do you write to keep sane too?

Climbing out of my accounting mess.

Tax time. Accounting. Reconciling statements. All things I completely despise. When you run a business, it pretty much comes with the territory. No real way around it. Sorry.

I’m not sure when I decided I didn’t want to do any of it (maybe January 2010??), but it happened and now I’m buried in accounting HE**, literally buried, by bank and credit card statements, copies of all my client invoices and checks, and it’s a completely chaotic, dreadful situation.

And who do I have to blame? Just call me Mrs. Procrastination if you will.

Today, I just had to get out of my home office to a place where I could be left alone to focus with my massive stacks of paper. So, I went to the cafe at Mission Community Church.  Great place by the way with complimentary coffee and WIFI.  Beats the pants off Starbucks.  No loud music, no one in the room, just me and my stacks.  I managed to get through reconciling one and a half of my businesses before it was time to pick up the kiddo. Looks like this afternoon I will be heading straight back to the cafe to complete my mission…at Mission.

My point is now that I’ve seen what “shoving things under the rug” really looks like at year’s end, I’m a little, make that very, disappointed in myself that I let it get this far.  I wasn’t always like this, but as my businesses tripled, accounting just didn’t seem as fun to me anymore.  I’m normally pretty organized, but give me something I hate and I’ll avoid it to no end. By procrastinating on something as simple as balancing my business statements month to month, getting my files ready to hand over to the accountant has become a two-day process…without bathroom breaks.

I’m so thankful that today’s Mom-e Club speaker, Angela Sticca Snyder of Your Accountant’s Office, is hosting a webinar titled, “Organize Your Piles to Files in Time for Tax Season” with me and all accounting procrastinators to set us straight in 2011. Her talk could not have come at a better time.  If this sounds like you too, I hope you’ll join in.  Starts at 12pm MST.

So, what situation has procrastination gotten you into lately, and has it changed your thinking for 2011? I can definitely say it has mine.  Quickbooks, you and I are going to get to know each other extremely well this year!  You can bet on it!

Twisted.  Anal-retentive.  Over the top.  “Way to take the romance out of your relationship” Tisha.

Yep, just some of the names my friends have called me lately.  Do I mind?  No, not really, because I have a plan.  A good one.

The topic of discussion on all of my relatives’ and friends’ minds is, “So, when do you think you’ll have baby #2?”  It’s inevitable.  Everyone always wants to know “when” the baby’s coming even though I show zero signs of being pregnant.  Even the day after our wedding, the question was already on most peoples’ minds.  Only took us four years to answer that question for them.

And so, I’ve given them a conception date.  Not an actual “we’re going to get pregnant on May 8″ date, but that on May 8, I toss the pills and the conception process finally begins.  Better book that cruise now and figure out that ovulation schedule.

You might ask why I’ve planned it on an exact date.

I live in Arizona and if there’s one thing  a new mom absolutely wants to avoid, it’s giving birth during the 115 and up degree weather.   I got pregnant with Caleb in late November which put my delivery right around the end of August.  Swollen feet and hands and pure misery combined with constant sweating did not make for a happy mom-to-be, unless I was soaking in a pool somewhere.   Guess you could say I have the right to be a little selfish about when all of this happens the next time around.  Truthfully, I don’t know too many moms who had an easy pregnancy or delivery during the summer here.

So, with baby #2, I’ve set some realistic guidelines.

1. To get pregnant between May 8 and July 31 so the baby is born between the winter and spring months which are absolutely gorgeous in AZ.  As long as the third trimester isn’t in the summer, we’re good.

2. To finish planning my 2nd Annual Mom Entrepreneur Celebration on May 7, and feel good and energetic, not tired and drained, while managing it.  First trimesters will do that to you.  Knock you out completely.

3. To be able to have as many cocktails as I possibly can handle once the event is over to celebrate another success with my staff, top 10 finalists and the big winner.

4. To have our baby and be able to spend mommy time with him or her and Caleb on maternity leave, but still be able to plan the 3rd Annual Mom Entrepreneur Celebration in May 2012.

Is it too much to ask?  Do most people plan conception, or am I just talking crazy?  Am I being too much of a control freak to let my other baby (my event) go next year?

What if my plan doesn’t work out exactly as I had hoped?  Well, part of being a mom and an entrepreneur is learning how to juggle it all and accept things as they come.  If it happens, awesome, if not, we’ll make it work.  I just wonder what Sean, my hubby, has to say about my “planned to a tee” baby birthing experience.  Hey, cruise, tequila shots, romantic couples’ getaway come May?  What man would complain??

Look for exciting news to come this summer!  You can PLAN on it.

Rule of Life #30 (page 128)

“It’s perfectly natural to question your business model and change your course of action if your original plan just isn’t working for you.  Many business owners do and their business is healthier and more profitable because they’re now doing something they love.  The key is to believe in yourself and set your mind to it.”

Marketing.

That’s what I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life.  Even went as far as to start calling myself the “Mommy Marketeer.”  Too many mouseketeers and Mickey Mouses in my house these days.

If you would have told me I’d be the founder of a mom entrepreneurs’ networking organization and the creator of the Mom Entrepreneur of the Year award six years ago when I dove head first into entrepreneurship, I would have smiled and laughed, and asked if you were for real.

Life has a funny way of telling us what direction it wants us to go in.  You never know where you’ll end up.  For me, marketing just ain’t it anymore.  Sure, I still do it, but it’s not what gets me excited in the morning.  Helping mom entrepreneurs see their worth does.  Putting on extravagant events on a very tight budget thrills me.  Did I mention that chaos, not calm, is my middle name?

Last Tuesday I spoke to the Arizona Small Business Association about overcoming and preventing obstacles.  Several aspiring entrepreneurs and some already established ones asked me whether this path they were on was the right one.  Well, only you can determine if you like what you’re doing in life.  And if not, maybe it’s time to dig deeper into what you’re truly and utterly passionate about.  Might surprise you just as it did the heck out of me!

The key is this – once you find that passion of yours, take action, deep breaths and keep on moving your dream forward.

Rule of life #27

“Many adults go through life never learning how to forgive their parents for their faults.  They harbor painful memories that eat away at them every day, but are never willing to pick up the phone or stop by for a visit to remedy the situation.  Before they know it, it’s too late, and they will never be able to tell their mom or dad how they really feel.  People are human.  We all make mistakes.

Life’s too short not to forgive others for their actions.  Sometimes it takes you to make the first move, even though you disagree.  It took my dad time to realize we didn’t have a strong relationship, and it took me time to realize I had it in me to forgive him.  When I did, I found I could rest easier, be happier and move on with my life.”

I’ve heard from a few of my readers that this rule of life lesson resonated the most with them.  They had been holding such a grudge over something that happened so long ago that it kept building, eating at their soul, and never got any better.

One reader told me that after reading this particular chapter, it encouraged her to reach out to her mom and spend one last Mother’s Day with her before she passed away that week.  The very last memory she had was dancing with her mother on the dance floor at a Mother’s Day dinner.  Although she missed her, she was grateful she had this special memory to remember her by.

Broke my heart and made me smile at the same time to think that I may have encouraged her take that next step.  I could never imagine losing a parent before getting the chance to reconcile with them, which is why I personally chose forgiveness.

In the past couple weeks, I’ve written more confrontational-type emails to family members, clients and even my home builder telling them how I really feel.  I definitely used the “don’t hold anything back” approach in all emails.  And you know what?  I got a timely response back from each and every one of them…good, actionable ones, too.

Why?

Because I was honest.  I told them exactly how I felt.  I stopped blaming myself and letting it control my life.

Many of you know I don’t sleep as it is.  Heck, I’m writing this blog at 2am.  I’m a mom entrepreneur.  Who needs sleep?  But when something bothers you so much it keeps you awake at night, you know it’s time to fix whatever is broken.

As we enter into a new year, I urge you to think about your relationships.  What’s keeping you up at night?  What’s  constantly on your mind making it hard to focus?  Who in your life could really use your ear and your forgiveness, but is too scared to come to you?  Don’t wait for them.  Instead, take the initiative and do it for yourself.

Reconciling with my dad was the best decision for me to make.  In doing so, he now has a relationship with his grandson – something that may have never happened had I not stepped up and forgiven.

Ahh, two years old.  It’s when a baby begins to take on the role of Mr. or Ms. Independent and can handle it all by themselves.  No help needed.

The other day, I was taking Caleb out of his car seat and said, “Come here, baby.”

To that he replied, “No baby, I’m a boy!”  Something Sean taught him so he stops acting like a baby and throwing temper tantrums.

Brilliant idea.  Tell him he’s not a baby and he won’t act like a baby.  Sean’s so smart.  Way better at this parenting thing than I am.

So now, Caleb doesn’t want any help.  He can get his own snacks.  He can wash his own hands.  He can get the laundry out of the dryer on his own, well, with supervision of course.  He can sing his own Veggie Tales song in the car without Mommy singing along.  In fact, when I open my mouth, I get “shooshed,” and he says, “I do it!!!!” Seriously.

Hey, who am I to complain?

Although Caleb has stumbled upon his new independence, I still get the constant nagging from my mom who tells me he’s growing up too fast.  “He’s still a baby, you know!  You need to baby him.”  Over and over.  I’m convinced it’s a grandmama thing.  Gees, mom, it’s not like I’ve completely given up my motherly duties.  I still put him to bed at night, read him books, change diapers.

I say bring on the independence.  Let Caleb learn that Mommy and Daddy won’t always be there to do everything for him, especially when baby #2 comes along and we could use his extra little hands.

Parents, please chime in if you agree or disagree.  Is Caleb growing up too fast and are we letting him?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Rule of life #29

“It’s the little things that matter.  It’s not the fancy jewelry, flowers or gifts, but the sweet and utter simplicity of words that show how much you care.  No matter how redundant it may be, it’s always a nice feeling to be noticed (and appreciated) by the ones you love most.”

Sean, Caleb and I spending family time together in San Fran last summer.

Every now and then, my husband Sean has the power to surprise me.  It’s always when I least expect it, too.  To others looking in, his actions may not seem like such a big deal, but to me and without sounding too lovey dovey, it reminds me of why I married him in the first place.

Sure, there are times when he does something so insane that it makes me want to pull every last strand of my hair out (who doesn’t, right?), but then he does something so out of the ordinary and it makes those “other” times more tolerable, more forgettable.

I believe what they call that is MARRIAGE.

Take Friday for instance.  Caleb was sick and I had meetings all morning – my Mom Entrepreneur Celebration planning committee meeting followed by my channel 12 Coffee Talk segment on AZ Midday which lasts all but a few minutes, so Sean stayed home with Caleb.  On my 45-minute drive into Phoenix, I received a text from Sean with these few words…

Go get em movie star.

Yet another text I saved in my phone.

Here I was thinking that Sean really could care less about the projects I’m working on, but he really did support me, in his own quiet way.  And even though he missed my segment by an hour (I tivo’d it just in case), he truly was proud of me.

The next day I received yet another big surprise.  An unloaded dishwasher.  Yep, I’m easily excited, especially by completed household chores.

No gifts exchanged.  No money spent.  Just words and action.

In church over the weekend, the pastor challenged us this holiday season to do one thing – give more by spending less.  He said, “Instead of giving your family unneeded and unwanted presents, give them your presence.”

Think about it.  What is your child going to love most this Christmas?  The gift that will either break, become too small on him or lose his interest by spring?  Or the fact that you took time out of your chaotic day to make cookies with him and take him to the park?

You already know what’s on my to-do list.

What little things are you doing to create a big impact on others’ lives?  Please share.