On Facebook a couple weeks back, SheKnows.com asked the question, “Which is harder? Marriage or parenting?”
The list of responses generally sided with “parenting” taking the cake, except for one which quickly had me reconsider my answer.
It was, “How about marriage while parenting?”
I was so relieved that another mom voiced her opinion as it is exactly how I feel most days.
As I’ve eluded to in past posts, my kiddos are my everything…oh whoops, scratch that.
Shouldn’t that say, “My husband and my kiddos are everything to me?”
Whoever said marriage was a walk in the park was LYING! And if you take your marriage for granted, you quickly learn it takes two to make a thing go right. Cue the song. Yep, I went there…
Just when I think I have the work, life, balance thing down to a science spending quality time with my kiddos AND pleasing customers as an entrepreneur, the hubby throws me for a loop and stresses to make “family” a priority, which of course in translation means, “make ME a priority.” He then stresses that married life, eh, ain’t so good when you hardly get to see each other and that all he wants is his wife back. He wants the honeymoon stage before the kiddos and chaos ensued. And I’m so burnt out most days, I can hardly remember what I ate for dinner last night let alone our honeymoon. We had a honeymoon?!? What was I even like back then before all the grey hairs started popping up? Probably a pretty fun girl.
Okay, I’ll admit, date nights have sort of slipped. Heck, even sleeping in the same room has. Okay, I know what you’re thinking. We’re not Ricky Ricardo and Lucille Ball’n it. I’m just an insomniac by trade up late working crazy hours, then asleep when he’s getting up at 5am.
I’m also not a huge football fan, except for AZ Cardinals games, so watching football all day long on Sundays, well, it makes me crazy. So many things to do, so little time. Sure you can relate, just like I wouldn’t expect Sean to partake in one of my favorite activities…Zumba.
Throughout the last few months, and after the same argument has been circling round and round literally, I’ve learned something from Sean that I’m certain is pretty common among men I’ve come up with my own, uh, top 7 list. It has taken me almost 10 years to figure this out in my personal rendition of “Dummies for Wives - How to be the best wife and mom-e you can be.” So here goes.
1. Not having to say anything. Sitting next to, being present, and enjoying each others’ company on the couch is enough for him.
2. Surprising him at work to take him to lunch when he least expects it shows he’s at the top of the list.
3. Texting or calling him randomly throughout the day to tell him I’m thinking of and love him. Even ending the call with, “I love you,” may be just what he needs to hear which I’m really bad at saying.
4. Actually scheduling date nights on a visible calendar in our home, not just saying we will. Particularly the kind of date night where talking is required.
5. Sleeping in the same bed, even if it means I start off there then end up on the couch by morning because my brain never shuts off!
6. Realizing that we got into this marriage because we truly loved one another and wanted to be a family.
7. Knowing that clients and work will always be there tomorrow and that some days, it’s okay to say “no” especially if the last three nights I’ve been gone working and got home when everyone was asleep.
I’m not a marriage counselor by any means, and I’m still learning how to strengthen my own marriage, but for me, these gestures and special touches can go a long way as I hope they will for anyone reading this.
If you have more tips as to what works for you, please share. I’d love to hear them and incorporate them into my life and new “book.”